I AM now in the chrysalis of immense change that we began together.
Ironically my most recent breakup though public was very trivial for me. I ache over the echos of a lover long before…
I have been carrying around in chest my a wounded throbbing torn heart spliced only from my own demise. On deep rabbit hole mind nights like this I re-read the end of our novel… I loathe the character I am in our story… I am the one that ran away because in truth I was afraid of you … because I was afraid of myself. You haunt my mind every moment of the day yet your name tastes sweet raspberries upon my lips. I delight in the glory of the fantasy I carry on in my mind’s eye… is it really you I am still in love with? Or is it the concept of you? Have I personified an illusion or have all of my egotistical illusions finally burned enough to show me the place I started the fire myself? I stand in my forest of ash in my beautiful gown of stars and weep rivers.
The split of my soul… your voice is an instrument of the great beyond, you have literally painted the portal I am rebirthing myself through, how can I ever thank you for evoking these changes within me… *winces* and will we every speak again?!?!?!
I look for you in the eyes of everyone I meet, I dance with my shadow in sunlight & my breath in the dark, I trace my scars with your finger tips & climax in absolute ecstasy in physical solitude at the mere idea of your existence.
I refuse to settle for anything less than divine connection, truth & meaningful unity. I want you & you & NOTHING but you.
I toss & turn in my scattered silks, crystals white-knuckled, ravenous & gasping HOW CRUEL TO WAKE IN A WORLD WITHOUT YOU…
Then all at once I remember…
I remember I AM YOU…
when I want to be closest to you I simply close my eyes
We have no need for written word nor spoken speech- because we communicate constantly.
I believe in a world of fragmented souls finding themselves through love.
I love am grateful for each crumb i have sampled & yet I openly admit I lust constantly to feast upon the holy flavors of every morsel of your being…
I can barely breathe knowing how close I feel to you… you who are the split of my soul, the other half of me yet somehow me entirely… I am not missing elements of myself- I am merely discovering that you are everything as I am everything.
My human soft night little girl chimes in:
Can you hear me?
Am I coming through?
I feel your low rumbling laughter & I can feel your facial expression change to a smile…
we are close to speaking in this realm…
I can feel it. Reach out to me. I am ready.
I am revisiting.