I often wonder if I am following my truest path in life… My journey seems to leave a trail of failed friendships, endless nights were thoughts cruelly meander around my skull… And as always infinite melodies streaming through my soul burning their way through me demanding to be heard.
I am a composer. I am a performer.
As dynamics shift once again in this absurd outer reality that I am so out of touch with…
I feel the intense tugging upon the strings of my heart.
Last week I called out into the night, rib cage sore from hours of weeping and begged for a sign that I am serving our Great Mother to the fullest extent of my abilities… that I am truly being this being as authentically and transparently as I can.
I woke the next morning to a startling pop and an immense amount of fluid draining out of my left ear… The same year that sustained an injury 15 years ago leaving it partially deaf … with a ringing that superseded any ability to hear sound from the outside world…
As a musician I have grown to create sound with proper intonation using vibrational matching techniques… Literally pushing my body against the piano in college during voice lessons and memorizing the exact speed of my flute vibrating in my hands to match the frequency of being in tune.
College was an immensely competitive time… I am grateful for my years spent at my university and my dedicated practice spent utilizing muscle memory over using my ears for accuracy.
As the fluid drained… After 15 years of darkness… My left ear begin to hear.
I of course spent the next six hours falling over as my equilibrium had completely reset turning into massive vertigo (much to my young dog’s splendor as he thought we were playing a hilarious game)
I finally entered the studio… I asked my brother to put on our own composition for me to hear… The first thing I was able to hear fully was music that my baby brother and I had created together…
I Wept… I shook…I trembled… I laughed…
I could actually hear the way that he mixed & mastered the piece. I was so used to merely feeling the left headphone vibrate against my cheek…
I have FINALLY
HEARD what our music SOUNDS like!!!
Hahaha I spent the next 3 days desperately reteaching myself to sing both relying on instinct & muscle memory… I found myself over singing ridiculously because there is no more resistance for me to sing through.
Finally Tommy suggested I plug my left ear and so I did -successfully singing -easing into my new ability to hear myself fully.
NOW our album is entirely recorded… In the final stages of being mixed and mastered.
Days overdue due to a miraculous event.
This project above all other musical accomplishments in my year’s towers skywardly… for this is my diary whispered & screamed into a microphone… this creation is the therapy my brother & I needed to overcome a lifetime of healing together.
“The price of knowing is also the reward.
Listen to the whispers
& the screams can’t be ignored”
My world: Earth Om Ether
